[To read "The Same-Sex Marriage Elephant in the U.S. Supreme Court Chamber" click here.]
[Video: Same-Sex Marriage & Anonymous Sperm/Egg Donation: What's the Connection and Why Does it Matter?]
CONCEPTION OF CHILDREN: View #1
One of the most divisive social issues in the United States as well as many other nations is the question of whether it is moral or immoral to conceive a child in a manner designed on purpose to prevent the child from knowing and being known (in a parent-child relationship) by both its biological mother and biological father. Unfortunately the ruling elite have deliberately obscured this important question by orchestrating in the mass and "alternative" media a phony debate over same-sex marriage. This debate is phony because the way the elite have framed it prevents people on either side from knowing what actually most concerns the people on the other side.
The main organizations that have sponsored state referenda to ban same-sex marriage have stated very clearly that their objection to same-sex marriage stems from their objection to the way it promotes the practice of conceiving children with donated egg or sperm in a manner that prevents the child from knowing and being known by both its biological mother and biological father. This concern is a major reason that people voted to ban same-sex marriage in all of the first 32 state referenda on the question. One may agree or disagree with this concern, but it is just wrong to dismiss the views of those who have this concern as nothing but bigotry against homosexuals ("homophobia").
The ruling elite have censored this concern for children from the debate over same-sex marriage that they orchestrate in the mass and alternative media that they control. On radio and TV and in newspapers and magazines, what people are told is that the only question about same-sex marriage is whether one is for equality or whether one is a "homophobic" bigot (presumably a Bible fanatic bigot.)
Isn't it time we egalitarians had a respectful and serious discussion about all of this, and tried to resolve our differences on the basis of our shared values of equality and mutual aid?
As a step in that direction, I (John Spritzler, the editor of this web site) will now say what I and some other members of PDRBoston personally think about this issue. Also, I will create other pages on this website for others to express their views on this question. Please send your views to us by email or use our "Comment" page (see the link to it at the bottom of this page).
Here's What Some PDR Members Think (some gay men who are not in PDR say virtually the same thing in this short video)
We think that same-sex marriage should be legal when, and only when, it is illegal to deliberately conceive a child with a gamete (egg or sperm) from a person who, at the time of conception, does not fully intend to raise the child and know and be known by the child as its co-primary* parent (mother or father as the case may be).**
We think it violates the Golden Rule principle of equality when a woman, because of a longing for a biological connection with the child she raises, denies the child that very same biological connection with its father by conceiving the child with sperm from a man who does not intend to know and be known by the child as its father and co-primary parent.
We think it likewise violates the principle of equality when a man, for the analogous reason, conceives a child with an egg from a woman who does not intend to know and be known by the child as its mother and co-primary parent.
We think infertile couples (same-sex or opposite-sex) or single persons who want a child but who cannot conceive a child in compliance with the above-described law should adopt.
We think the Golden Rule principle of mutual aid says the needs of children trump the desires of adults.
How Do Children Conceived by Anonymous Sperm or Egg Donation Feel?
In 2012 I wrote an article about same-sex marriage in which, instead of saying what I thought ought to be the relevant laws regarding the conception of children (as I now do above) I accepted as a given that it was, unfortunately, legal to use anonymously donated sperm or egg to conceive a child and focused on why, in that case, same-sex marriage was a bad idea. In that article I discussed in some detail the psychological pain that children suffered into adulthood when they did not know their biological mother or biological father, and included many links to websites or articles by such children in which they expressed their feelings eloquently. Here are links to the parts of my article that contain this material:
More articles about how the children of anonymous gamete donation conception feel about it are linked to from here.
I understand that these views are perhaps controversial among egalitarians. Please send me your thoughts on this topic and I will create a page on this website for them to appear on.
* "Co-primary" because the biological mother and biological father are the two people who are primarily responsible for the child's conception.
** Here is how a same-sex couple could have a child "of their own" (i.e., not an adopted child) without breaking the bond between the child and its biological father (or mother, as the case may be). Say two lesbian women are married and want a child of their own. One of the women could get pregnant with the sperm of a man, and then that man (the father) and the two women would live together in the same house (perhaps one bedroom for the father and one for the two women) as a family, in which the child would know and be known by both its biological mother and father, as much so as in a traditional opposite-sex marriage-based family. An analogous arrangement could be used by two married gay men. This way, both biological parents of the child are still raising the child and still know and are known by the child as its co-primary parents. This way, the child's biological father (or mother) is neither completely unknown to the child (as is the case with anonymous sperm or egg donation) nor known merely as a person who lives across town or in another state. The principle that the needs of a child trump the desires of adults is the reason why the same-sex couple and the other biological parent should should live together as one family, even if this is inconvenient or not what the same-sex couple or the other parent desire. When people produce a child they have a moral obligation to do what is right for that child.
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